I was wro… wron… I was mistak.. mis… I didn’t have the whole picture.

Happy New Year everyone! It’s not only a New Year but a new generation as well. With the introduction of each New Year we are invited to look at our lives decide what we do and don’t like about them then make the appropriate changes. My new years resolution is to continue with the path God placed me on during the past year. I can honestly say that I am about as happy right now as I have been in years. Not that the past few years have been bad but in 2009 God finally put me in a corner where I had to decide If I was going to continue trusting in me and what I know or will I lay it down and truly trust him. Not wanting to bore you with all the details lets just say I consulted with some great friends and knew I didn’t really have a choice. It hasn’t always been easy but God has come through in such a way that I can’t imagine ever turning back. But I’ve been here before, I’ve taken that step and God came through then in a big way as well but for some reason after a couple years I decided to take hold of the reigns again. I held on tighter than ever. I knew I wasn’t as happy yet I kept working my brain trying to figure it all out. I tried to start businesses that were not me. I did some things professionally that I questioned how excited God would be about it. I partnered with others that I new where not above board ethically. While doing these things I justified it all by saying that it was a means to an end. They kept me free for ministry. I could come and go as I wanted this way I could go to the church whenever needed to work where they needed me. If a friend or family member needed anything I could go and help. But what happened? Before long I wasn’t involved in any ministry at the church and didn’t have a desire too be. Even though I was making more money than I had in the past I was deeper in debt and because of who I did business with others were beginning to question my integrity. In a few years I went from someone who enjoyed the ministry, was trustworthy, enjoyed working with others and controlled his budget to just the opposite. Now don’t get me wrong I didn’t grow into some low life backstabbing, overspending, heathen. I still loved God. If you looked at how I spent my money I really wasn’t wasteful, and I would never wrong or mislead anyone. It was all much more subtle than that. Few would say I was doing anything wrong. Lets take it one step further. I went from someone that enjoyed helping others to one that still did it but grew to resent them for it. I would see friends helping others and come back smiling. I would help someone with a smile and leave with a frown. I found it draining instead of energizing. WHAT WENT WRONG?

I’ll tell ya what went wrong that’s the easy part. Somewhere along the way I began depending on myself instead of God. Professionally I knew where I wanted to be so I set out to get there. Financially I new where I wanted to be so I set out to get there. Ministry wise I new where I wanted to be so I set out to get there. I knew God and others expected me to be a servant so I tried to become the servant. What went wrong is easy. The real question is how did I get there? I’m gong to answer that question with a verse. Philippians 4: 6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ. The next verses go on to talk about the things we should meditate on and if we do The God of peace will be with us. I knew where I wanted to go in my life career wise, financially and ministry wise. Since I knew I guess I didn’t even think about asking God. But this verse (and others) says “In EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication” It doesn’t say “In the things you doubt” or “only when afraid” it says in “EVERYTHING” I quite going to God because “This is something I can handle” By the time things came up that I couldn’t handle I was out of practice so to be quite honest I didn’t even think about going to him. I grew to resent helping others for the same reason. I was already doing things on my own so there was no focus on God in the process. If I’m not looking to God then I can’t see his heart. If I can’t see his heart I wont enjoy the sacrifice. I have a friend that is a Christian but tends to think we as Christians ask God about too much. He uses French fries as an example. He’ll hold up two fries and say do you think God cares which one I eat first? Of course not! His point is “If we live our lives focused on God then our minds will automatically go in the direction God desires. I’ve heard sermons on this as well and I will say they are correct. But I will also say that I think they oversimplify it. I thought my life was focused on God. I was doing what I was doing to remain open for ministry. We need to guard against losing focus. Praying about everything is one way to do it. Lets go back to the French fries for a moment. If guarding our hearts and our minds means that we need to go to such an extreme in “Praying about everything” then God isn’t going to complain if you ask him which fry to eat first. I think he’ll probably say “Larry, I love you thanks for asking. French fries are bad for you so don’t eat any of them” (Joke, joke, I’m joking don’t get bent out of shape.) He’ll probably say “I don’t care eat them however you would like. Thank you for asking”. After awhile you’ll get to know his heart and some of the things he doesn’t care about. In the mean time three things will begin to happen. 1. You may find he does care about some things you assumed he didn’t. 2. You’ll get into the habit of going to him. 3. You’ll lose the habit of depending on yourself.

Back to my New Years resolution I need to ad a little to it. My New Years Resolution is to continue on the path God has placed me on by going to him daily and asking “God what do you have for me today? When I have a decision to make I will go to God and ask “God do you have an opinion in this matter? When presented with the opportunity to serve another I will go to God and ask “God help me to see your heart in this matter? I love where I am at and where I seem to be going and I don’t want to do anything to stop that progress. I hope and pray that you are in the same place. If not I pray this is the year that God draws you closer to him. WHAT IS YOUR NEW YEARS RESOLUTION?

It’s funny how God works. When I titled this and began writing it I had planned on going somewhere completely different. Began the introductory paragraph and knew we were going somewhere else but didn’t know where until the end. With that in mind I trust that there is at least one person reading this that needed to hear it. If it is you then please right now close your computer and go somewhere you can be alone. Go to God and ask him to do whatever he needs to draw you closer to him. Ask him to show you how to stop depending on your own understanding and start depending on him. Then just sit and listen. God will talk. He will make himself known. What he says to you may or may not make any sense. Don’t let that deter you from following. After all it doesn’t have to make sense to you you’re the one letting go. Ya never know once you do you may find yourself living “Upside Down” and loving it.