Why?

So, here I am sitting here thinking about what to write today. It’s Monday I said I would post every Monday. I’m going over all the conversations I’ve had this week, the revelations I’ve had and today nothing is sticking. To the most part the things I’ve seen and learned this week are for me. Nothing that God is saying “I want you to share.” As I ask him what he wants me to write the thing that keeps coming to mind is “Love” continue to share my love. Then I’m brought to my experience at lunch. Two lady’s sitting behind me were discussing their mother who is in the hospital on a respirator. They knew that very soon they would be getting a call from the hospital asking them to make a decision. In the midst of the conversation I began remembering when a friend of mine was the one laying in ICU and her family was asked to make that decision. I remembered how tough it was for everyone involved. I remember praying that God would heal her and realizing just how selfish of a prayer it was. She was about to meet her creator and move into a life of everlasting perfection leaving behind the pains of this world and we were asking him to stop that from happening. I began thinking about the different people I’ve known that’s been upset at God for taking a loved one. If we stop to think about it those leaving us behind are in a much better place than us so why are we so upset at their passing? Then I began to think about different people I’ve tried to help out over the last few years. The closer I got to them the more I knew they were hurting the more I knew they were hurting the more I began to hurt. The less I could do the more upset I grew. I found myself at times curled up in a corner bawling like a little freakin baby. I began yelling at God. But each time I began yelling at him in the middle of my temper tantrum he would insert a verse that simply said “I love you”. That made even more mad. Don’t tell me you love me when I’m yelling at you I can’t stay mad when you do that. I reached a point for a time where I was tired of helping people. I saw some taking advantage of my generosity and resented it. But even more so I grew tired of hurting and the more I invested in others the more I hurt. I asked God why? Part of me wanted to turn back I wanted to ask God to take away the pain I was feeling and return me to a time of ignorance of the struggles around me. Yet at the same time I didn’t want to be ignorant again I just didn’t want any more pain either. So I stepped back. I remember a friend after watching a certain movie suggested we experiment with saying yes to helping whenever a need was presented to us. Lets do it for a month she said. My instant reply was “You can if you want to but I’m not in. I can’t do it anymore. Some take joy in helping for me it’s become too draining.” Here I am at lunch thinking about all this and it hits me. If we struggle so much with death when we know we will see them again how much does God struggle with death when he knows he will never see them again. What we feel when a loved one dies is what God feels daily for those who die without accepting the life he has to offer. The times I’ve been so frustrated with God that I’ve yelled at him and he gave me a verse that said “I love you” Now I realize God created me in his image. Now I picture him as I’m yelling at him shaking his head and saying “Larry don’t you understand I’m allowing you to feel a very small sampling of what I go through everyday. You Larry reached a point that you couldn’t take it anymore and you backed off. I love you so much that I will NEVER back off. The image that God gave me a week or so ago was Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22: 39-46) Jesus was so distraught that God sent an Angel to strengthen him despite that he was still so distraught that he began sweating drops of blood begging his father “If it is possible take this cup from me.” Jesus is on his hands and knees begging his father please can we find another way. God says no this is what must be done. It’s the only way to bring life. Now how many of you can imagine your kid in the place of Christ? How many of you after a neighbor has shown no love for you are willing to send your kid out to shovel their sidewalk? God sent his to die and continued with the plan despite his kids sweating blood.

Guess what my friends. Nothing has changed in the kingdom of heaven. God still loves each and everyone of us so much that he was willing to send his son to die for us. If you have accepted that gift of salvation you are now A CHILD OF GOD! He is sending you out to the world to model his love. Thankfully he isn’t calling most of us to die but he is asking us to be willing to. “Love your neighbor as yourself” “Greater love has no one than this than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you”

I can’t begin to comprehend just how much God truly loves me but I do know this. When I am struggling with the trials of a friend God is too. When I’m concerned about the salvation of a friend God is too. Maybe just maybe God is allowing me to feel the way I feel so I can begin to have a small understanding of what he must be going through. When I’m struggling for one God is struggling for one million. On the plus side when I’m rejoicing over one. God is rejoicing over one million (hopefully that many) So next time we get all bent out of joint and want to yell at God lets take a second to remembered he is going through the same thing. Then turn our anger toward the one that really deserves it. It’s about time Satan begins to get the lip service he deserves.

Just in case you were wondering. I did have a chance to pray with those women at lunch today and they will be seeing their mother again one day. Praise God!

(FYI: It’s time to begin showing Gods love once again so we are going to resume the weekly encouragement assignments. I am not going to use this blog for that because I want to respect your inbox. If you want to receive those assignments you can either follow the Upside Down Group via twitter or become a fan on Facebook. If you are already friends with me “Larry Rife” on face book that will work as well.)

Have a great week gang and as always lets live it “UPSIDE DOWN”